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Post by Shadow on Oct 31, 2018 22:34:56 GMT -5
Seems like I may as well post a bit of a regular kind of story thing, since most of the time this General Chat section is mostly game help questions and what not. If there was a journal part I would put this in that section instead, but I did not see a section for journals not involving sims stuff. Yes I know for the most part what I usually do is just answer people's questions and help them with creating stuff or write question threads that is open for people to reply to. I am unsure if I ever have really wrote a personal thread or something not related to Sims 4 or the forums. Anyways here is a little story about something that rubs me the wrong way about discord and ignorant members who join servers of mine. I am not sure if this counts as a rant or just a story/comedy type thing to see if people can relate, anyways let's start.
Today's Story of what led me to Make this Thread:
First off I had a pretty cool Halloween and was ready to settle in for the night, however I run discord servers and had to check those first since I need to make sure new members are taken care of and what not. Unfortunately many people now and days mainly young teenagers and kids under 13 are really quite rude and think it is cool to be cocky when no one was cocky to them first from what I have seen in the past three years. Anyways I went to check my discord since I run four rp servers, they are not that busy and most are just made up of friends of mine despite being open to the public if others around the world want to join. Our servers are rather unique in this day in age due to the fact that we actually care about how we rp where as most people now and days don't really consider if their characters are interesting enough or if how they rp is a good way to tell the story or even the right way. I am usually pretty straight forward with our new members when we get them just to give them the info head on so they are not caught off guard if they get kicked or if they get in trouble for something.
Sad part is some people will join one of our servers and all they do is just annoy the crud out of me and my friends, especially the ones who help me moderate the servers. They will come in, be rather disrespectful to one of us or myself when we give them the gist of how things work here. Today I had one such member that had joined yesterday but had not yet made a profile and got it approved. We give membership to the server after new members have made their first OC profile and had it approved, this surprisingly breaks down a lot on trolls since they have zero access to the rest of the server only being able to read but not write in our channels until they are approved and given the member role, which most who just come to troll typically won't care about so they will just leave. Today I had a rather ignorant member join who was getting smart with me since day one of me letting him know how many more days he has to make a profile before we kick him, since this is just protocall for our server thanks to past servers where people would join, never make a profile, then their account just sits there until they decide they feel like making the profile. Sometimes they never make the profile or take a ridiculous amount of time to make it. Anyways this person came in, I let him know about our time limit for profiles which is usually 3 days at least and a week at most (In general we give 3 days, but if they respectfully request more time we can give them a week and that is more than enough time), when I came back after my halloween has been over I saw he said I was "rushing" him to my friend who helps me run the server, I then explained to him that it is not rushing or even anything personal it is just how we do things, he proceeded to use one of my least favorite words telling me to 'Chill' when I was chill until he started telling me to over and over.
Eventually I did lose my patience and told him "This is how we do things here, if you don't like it too bad. This is our server that you joined, not the other way around or have you forgotten?" of course he did not take kindly to this but he pushed me first when it came to this since I usually have patience enough to explain things to people when they join. However in the end I banned him because for one he broke our number one rule which is respect everyone especially the staff members and one of our other rather serious rules which is be mature and don't annoy other members including the staff. So I basically got tired of his immaturity and his constant telling me to "chill" which I was fine originally and simply asking him to be respectful before I lost my patients, told him "Okay I am done with you." and he replied with "ok bye!" and I replied with "Go be a little punk somewhere else." before I banned him. So yes this is the struggles of running a server (or multiple servers in my case) that admins and moderators have to deal with on discord, I am sure moderators and admins of sites like forums and what not know how it feels since they may have to put up with these kinds of people as well from time to time. I will admit I was a bit enraged and getting worked up at first seeing as how this happens so often due to the fact that a lot of people lack respect now and days for strangers, but eventually I calmed myself down, gathered my thoughts, and wrote this to let off a little steam and also so others can read this if they can relate since I know too well sometimes when you are mad about something in some strange way it helps to read something written on the topic you are frustrated with that is by a person with the same feelings and thoughts on the matter as yourself.
Not sure how many of you actually use discord yourselves, but I am sure at least some of you may be admins or moderators of some kind of group you put together and can relate to these issues. Anyways thanks for reading! Have a good day/night!
Feel free to share similar experiences that you have had if you want to blow off a little steam, sometimes it is good to just let it out in a writing. I will read it and may respond if I can relate to it. Just please keep it neutral, don't name names, and do not attack anyone on this site by stating things that seem rude to say to said person you may of had a struggle with or got annoyed by.
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Post by Memphis Creations on Nov 1, 2018 4:41:49 GMT -5
Seems like I may as well post a bit of a regular kind of story thing, since most of the time this General Chat section is mostly game help questions and what not. If there was a journal part I would put this in that section instead, but I did not see a section for journals not involving sims stuff. Yes I know for the most part what I usually do is just answer people's questions and help them with creating stuff or write question threads that is open for people to reply to. I am unsure if I ever have really wrote a personal thread or something not related to Sims 4 or the forums. Anyways here is a little story about something that rubs me the wrong way about discord and ignorant members who join servers of mine. I am not sure if this counts as a rant or just a story/comedy type thing to see if people can relate, anyways let's start. Today's Story of what led me to Make this Thread:First off I had a pretty cool Halloween and was ready to settle in for the night, however I run discord servers and had to check those first since I need to make sure new members are taken care of and what not. Unfortunately many people now and days mainly young teenagers and kids under 13 are really quite rude and think it is cool to be cocky when no one was cocky to them first from what I have seen in the past three years. Anyways I went to check my discord since I run four rp servers, they are not that busy and most are just made up of friends of mine despite being open to the public if others around the world want to join. Our servers are rather unique in this day in age due to the fact that we actually care about how we rp where as most people now and days don't really consider if their characters are interesting enough or if how they rp is a good way to tell the story or even the right way. I am usually pretty straight forward with our new members when we get them just to give them the info head on so they are not caught off guard if they get kicked or if they get in trouble for something. Sad part is some people will join one of our servers and all they do is just annoy the crud out of me and my friends, especially the ones who help me moderate the servers. They will come in, be rather disrespectful to one of us or myself when we give them the gist of how things work here. Today I had one such member that had joined yesterday but had not yet made a profile and got it approved. We give membership to the server after new members have made their first OC profile and had it approved, this surprisingly breaks down a lot on trolls since they have zero access to the rest of the server only being able to read but not write in our channels until they are approved and given the member role, which most who just come to troll typically won't care about so they will just leave. Today I had a rather ignorant member join who was getting smart with me since day one of me letting him know how many more days he has to make a profile before we kick him, since this is just protocall for our server thanks to past servers where people would join, never make a profile, then their account just sits there until they decide they feel like making the profile. Sometimes they never make the profile or take a ridiculous amount of time to make it. Anyways this person came in, I let him know about our time limit for profiles which is usually 3 days at least and a week at most (In general we give 3 days, but if they respectfully request more time we can give them a week and that is more than enough time), when I came back after my halloween has been over I saw he said I was "rushing" him to my friend who helps me run the server, I then explained to him that it is not rushing or even anything personal it is just how we do things, he proceeded to use one of my least favorite words telling me to 'Chill' when I was chill until he started telling me to over and over. Eventually I did lose my patience and told him "This is how we do things here, if you don't like it too bad. This is our server that you joined, not the other way around or have you forgotten?" of course he did not take kindly to this but he pushed me first when it came to this since I usually have patience enough to explain things to people when they join. However in the end I banned him because for one he broke our number one rule which is respect everyone especially the staff members and one of our other rather serious rules which is be mature and don't annoy other members including the staff. So I basically got tired of his immaturity and his constant telling me to "chill" which I was fine originally and simply asking him to be respectful before I lost my patients, told him "Okay I am done with you." and he replied with "ok bye!" and I replied with "Go be a little punk somewhere else." before I banned him. So yes this is the struggles of running a server (or multiple servers in my case) that admins and moderators have to deal with on discord, I am sure moderators and admins of sites like forums and what not know how it feels since they may have to put up with these kinds of people as well from time to time. I will admit I was a bit enraged and getting worked up at first seeing as how this happens so often due to the fact that a lot of people lack respect now and days for strangers, but eventually I calmed myself down, gathered my thoughts, and wrote this to let off a little steam and also so others can read this if they can relate since I know too well sometimes when you are mad about something in some strange way it helps to read something written on the topic you are frustrated with that is by a person with the same feelings and thoughts on the matter as yourself. Not sure how many of you actually use discord yourselves, but I am sure at least some of you may be admins or moderators of some kind of group you put together and can relate to these issues. Anyways thanks for reading! Have a good day/night! Feel free to share similar experiences that you have had if you want to blow off a little steam, sometimes it is good to just let it out in a writing. I will read it and may respond if I can relate to it. Just please keep it neutral, don't name names, and do not attack anyone on this site by stating things that seem rude to say to said person you may of had a struggle with or got annoyed by. Hi Shadow, About kids being rude on your discord, being cocky, well you've seen it for the past three years, i've seen it for over a decade (almost 2 decades) when i was still an IRC (Internet Relay Chat) Administrator back in the day. That's something that will never change, because internet gives them a place to be who they want to be, without being well, them selfs. Kids/Teens use the internet not just for social purposes but also to have a mask, and not be them selfs. Is it right todo so? Nope it sure is not, but i've come to terms with it in that period, because when you dive deeper into things, and actually have a decent conversation with most of them cocky kids, it turned out they are bullied in real life, and then they go to internet to take out their anger & frustration. And yes, this does NOT apply to every kid ofcourse, there are always a few rotten apples. All i can suggest about this kind of thing is, be patient, and try to have some 1 on 1 conversations with them (if possible on discord) after a few convo's they just might open up and let you in on something that can be relevant to why they are acting like this on the internet. Oh and don't judge them when having those conversation, and the time and willingness to listen will also help a lot. I hope this gives you a bit of a new perspective on how to resolve things peacefully on your discord over time, and it won't go away completely, but it will make it less bad vibe-ish on discord. Have a great one mate! |
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Post by Shadow on Nov 1, 2018 5:59:59 GMT -5
I typically don't go asking them what their problem is since my job is to run our servers, not play counselor for some cocky kids who are taking their feelings out on the wrong people. If they are being bullied I wish them the best in life, but they also have to learn one day rather it is real life or online life it is just not acceptable to act in such a manner to people who did nothing to them and are simply doing their job so to say. Thanks for the reply though, and you are probably right for the most part. Though on a side note my servers are not really for kids anyways, I would recommend anyone who joins them be at least 15 or older and be okay with following rules and instructions since we are serious about how we handle things there.
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Post by Sparkiekong on Nov 1, 2018 13:55:13 GMT -5
I don't run any chat things, but I've played MMOs for far too long and I kind of understand OP. I've been around for close to 2 decades too and I've seen the change. There has been a distinct change in the way people converse with one another from the early days to more recent days. The way people interact these days... it's the one reason that I don't participate in chat channels or even in MMOs anymore.
When I first started playing MMOs, I tried to be friendly and most people were friendly back... then there'd be that occasional troubled soul so I'd go a step further and ask why someone was acting this way or the other. You know I'd try to be a friend and help... It worked for a while, but then there was a change in the people coming in. The dynamic had changed after a few years and there were more and more and more of those troubled souls.... After so many of them, it really truly wears on the soul. Especially when you can't get through or they just flat don't want your help... I really tried and there's just some that will never let you in and frankly my soul couldn't deal with it anymore. It breaks my heart that people are so angry.
I admire counselors and therapists and folks who can do things like get into someone's head to find out why they're acting out. I don't know how they are able to do what they do and maintain a sense of self or peace. It seems like those troubled ones don't quite remember that there's a person behind those words they're reading. There's this sense of detachment that happens on-line. I'm not sure how it'll be solved, but I pray that someday it will be fixed.
The only thing I can suggest for you OP, is that you continue to monitor your incoming people and try to respectfully remove people who cause problems as you've been doing. Maintain your rules and maybe bump your age bracket up to 18/21. It might help filter better those whom you're trying to filter... but keep track, because sometimes it's not a kid who's the troubled soul wearing the mask, but someone who's older and trying to escape something too. If monitoring new people is wearing on the soul of you and your close friends/moderators... it may be time to take a break from adding new folks. It's your server maintain your rules. Or maybe find a way to start an application process that asks the right questions. Questions that might give you a hint of what kind of person is coming into your circles.
Trolls will generally not want to waste time answering a lot of questions and then go to your 3 day profile rule. I wish you the best of luck.
Sparkie.
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Post by Shadow on Nov 1, 2018 14:43:06 GMT -5
I always do, the servers my friends and I run simple won't tolerate people who are rude. We don't need that kind of stuff in our server, beside we don't even have to be running the server in the first place or even have it public. We do this because we want to and we like giving people a place they can rp and get creative while also learning how to properly rp a storyline. I am not sure if all of them are "Troubled Souls" though I willing to bet some are just naturally that rude or immature. I usually will give people a few chances to straighten themselves out and show respect before I give them the boot. Sometimes it works and they will stop being disrespectful, other times it never works and they just won't think before they type.
I can easily relate with the MMO games I play a lot of MMORPGs like Elder Scrolls Online, use to play other ones as well. But their community has gone down hill quite a bit as well, can't even find people I can tolerate long enough anymore to try socializing and making some friends to play with. Overall though I have noticed a significant decrease in people who are actually respectful online and even in real life since the past few years. It gets tiresome and makes me want to not even talk to another person in real life or even on the games I play. There are still some cool people that I have found amongst the bad apples, like a lot of the people on this forum, but over all it is becoming increasingly hard to find respectful people who actually give a damn about how they talk to others online and how they treat others.
You can call me Shadow by the way. The thing with the age is not many who are 18+ do rp anymore and they are rp servers, not to mention none of my friends on there are 18 anyways, one is 16 but she acts very mature for her age. One is 14 and though he annoys me sometimes because he is still pretty young and may not know how to go about certain things, he gets me and is okay with everything. And the only friend I have who is not under 18 is my one buddy that funny enough we bonded over loving Pokémon and the Original Gen, he is 21.
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Post by Memphis Creations on Nov 1, 2018 15:04:25 GMT -5
Don't get me wrong, i don't tolerate it either, and no its not your job to play councilor to them, but some kids are in such situations that they have no one to talk to, or worse nobody that wants to listen, which results in more lashing out on the internet. And ofcourse you always have some little kiddo's that think they are god and can say whatever the firetruck** they want and its okay, yeah those are the kids i can't stand either.
But maybe its because i used to be a victim of bullying as well, that i have a different perspective to it, then most others do, which allows me to place myself in them, instead of judging them based on anger and frustration. Doesn't mean that it makes u less human or something, as you are free to act and handle the way you see fit on your server and thats the gods honest truth.
And don't get me started on MMO's... i've been admin for 6 months on one of the most popular dutch mafia MMORPG, and the kind of vulgar people you come across on it, made me regret finding out what internet was, and that was just the other crew members, the members... oh my fing god... the profanity they used made even me go like, oh wow that's a new one..
So yeah, i can relate to you, but also to some of those kids who do actually have a problem, but are just to scared to talk about it, or nobody wants to listen to them (which happened to me) and trust me, that is really frustrating, hard and painful to go through.
Again, it is your server and your rules and you gotta do what ya gotta do, but in the end if you decide to ban them, you don't solve the issue, but you do the following two things: You'll probably end up making it worse and you only relocate the problem to someone else.
Sorry for typing such a long message hehe :-) This is just my opinion, and again you are free to do as you please :-)
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Post by Shadow on Nov 1, 2018 15:19:51 GMT -5
If you want the truth Memphis I actually use to be bullied as well for just being me, but I never took it out on anyone else because it was not their fault that the people I have been around are jerks. I get what you mean, I am not really mad at this, I just find it pretty sad that this is how people are now and days and it is probably going to only get worse because the internet for the most part is not policed so that causes a set of problems such as when people have to follow rules online they have a problem with it, they were never told otherwise and probably encouraged to be a jerk on the internet by other online jerks, and overall many people mostly younger ones can't seem to get it through their head that the internet is not all that separate from real life. I actually dropped out of highschool because I was going to lose it on some of the people who would pick on me and figured it would be better for all of us if I left so they would not end up hurt and I would not end up in jail.
But yeah thanks for sharing your experiences and just know I am listening, when I ask for people to share similar experiences I will reply to them and do pay attention. I was not originally looking for advice though I was just expressing some long pent up opinions I have and feelings I feel about where the world has gone to especially the online world.
The reason I won't ask them what their issue is, is mainly just because if I do most of the time they get even more rude with me or they talk and then leave basically wasting my time. Also because to be fair we don't need rude people giving off negative vibes in our server or people who will flip out if we tell them you can't be doing that. We try to keep a calm and close family type vibe in our server with the social side of things, the rp side of things is a bit different though since we have to focus and be sure we are telling a good story with our OCs.
I wish things were a bit different, but as an Admin I have to make sure everyone is okay in the server. So I need to sometimes put the members first when it comes to dealing with members that are more rude or ignorant, this usually means making sure I ban or kick them when they act like this on the first day of joining. Our members don't have to put up with those types of people and neither should we.
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Post by Memphis Creations on Nov 1, 2018 15:34:37 GMT -5
If you want the truth Memphis I actually use to be bullied as well for just being me, but I never took it out on anyone else because it was not their fault that the people I have been around are jerks. I get what you mean, I am not really mad at this, I just find it pretty sad that this is how people are now and days and it is probably going to only get worse because the internet for the most part is not policed so that causes a set of problems such as when people have to follow rules online they have a problem with it, they were never old otherwise and probably encouraged to be a jerk on the internet by other online jerks, and overall many people mostly younger ones can't seem to get it through their head that the internet is not all that separate from real life. I actually drop out of highschool because I was going to lose it on some of the people who would pick on me and figured it would be better for all of us if I left so they would not end up hurt and I would not end up in jail. But yeah thanks for sharing your experiences and just know I am listening, when I ask for people to share similar experiences I will reply to them and do pay attention. I was not originally looking for advice though I was just expressing some long pent up opinions I have and feelings I feel about where the world has gone to. Well, for me it turned out different, i just moved from amsterdam (where i was born) to the city in currently live in. So i had already a hard time adjusting to the new setting, and then you go to the new school, from day one people started picking on me, for being the new guy, the guys never failed to mention how fat i was, neither did the girls, but they also never failed to mention that i was ugly. I had neighborhood kids, tackle me and start jumping on me like i was air castle or something, older kids who just pulled my pants down in the middle of the street, and to make things worse, they gave me a degrading nickname of bolle (dutch for: fatty, fatass, tubby, chubby, you get the point right?) By the age of 12, i received so much poo, that something snapped in me. And once a degrading name, didn't stand for laughing anymore, but became a name to fear, as i got violent as hell, and just beat the poo out of everyone who tried messing with me. And yes, the bullying stopped, but at a great cost, as i wrecked my future by turning out like that And sorry for giving you the advice i gave, but i figured, if i could change your mindset from not willing to help, to willing to help and you would just help one kid out by talking, wouldn't that be a win for both humanity and social interactions in general? Again, sorry for giving you the unwanted advice, but it came from a good place. |
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Post by Shadow on Nov 1, 2018 15:43:25 GMT -5
No your fine and that is rough, I hope things are better for you now. I am not the most manly looking guy so my bullies use to harass me by calling me a girl and not letting up on it even when I told them I am not and the teachers even yelled at them, my bullying was more verbal. I still look back on it and sometimes feel I wish I would of decked them in the face and showed them not to underestimate the short emo dude since I can kick some ass. But I always remember that would of only made things worse, I would of got into more trouble than my bully if I started going at them guns blazing. I am thankful I was able to control myself in such a situation. They more so would do things like find the things that tick me off or bother me and use them against me, one of which was getting my gender assumed and people calling me she or assuming I am a girl when I am a boy.
But yeah that sounds like you had a rough life, I hope things are better for you now and don't worry jerks always get what is coming to them eventually. Good luck to you.
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Post by Sparkiekong on Nov 1, 2018 16:04:04 GMT -5
Sounds like we're all on the same page here and I too had my fair share of being bullied as a kid and as an adult and even on the internet. There will always be that one little (or big) jerk that will get a little too far under the skin. The internet is becoming a more difficult place to traverse without coming across people who make it frustrating and difficult for us because they enjoy causing havoc or are just rude, hurt or angry and have decided to use the internet to lash out.
I think you're doing the best you can Shadow. You have laid out your rules, reminding new folks that there are humans on the other side of their screens and you're protecting your friends as best as you can in as respectful manner as possible. I think that's really all any of us can do on the internet forums and chat rooms now.
I don't envy the role of the moderators, but I deeply respect them. You're the soldiers who guard the borders of your safe space in the internet and usually do with little to no "thank you"s. It's not an easy job at all, but I think you're doing your best.
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Post by Memphis Creations on Nov 1, 2018 16:06:10 GMT -5
Well truth is, if it had been just verbal, i could have cared less, but it became mental and physical and when you take such abuse for years, you either crack and commit suicide, or you snap and you turn violent. And how my life is now, well my history has effect on it all, it made me over the years very anti-social, so i have a hard time maintaining a job, which means staying in a own house is kinda difficult too, because no job means no rent which means no roof above your head.
And what you've gone through is rough to mate, and here is the funny thing. When i became violent, i became a bully too, but the different kind of bully, i was the bully's bully, so if this would have happened if you had been on my school, i would have fucked them up for you :-) Because of my violent history, i have a average sized rap sheet, but 75% is because i defended people who couldn't defend them selfs, who got bullied. And i say here to you here right now, if i had to redo that part of my life, and could choose my own future above the people who i helped out back then. Call me crazy, but i would not have done it differently, well maybe except being caught but you get the point haha.
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